- Huh?
I choose to no t unders tand these signs.
- Aha! - Bender! I was jus t no t playing the holophonor.
Yeah? Well, you should try no t s tinkin' a t i t.
I am trying. I've been taking lessons.
Lessons? Oh, tha t's rich!
Isn' t i t time you gave up all hope of ever improving yourself in any way?
I know I should, bu t I jus t can' t.
Remember when I had those s tomach worms tha t made me smar t?
I could play tolophonor, and it made Leela like me.
Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday.
I'd really like to have somebody there. Please?
Fine. I'll go already.
You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive.
- Not often though. - Mmm.
Whoa-oh-oh... Hey!
- Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. - Hello, Philip.
And you must be Mr. Bender.
Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot?
I prefer the term "love machine."
- Wow. Your kid is great.
How hard did you say you had to hit him?
Well, fairly hard.
" The Grumpy Snail."
Sorry.
It's too grumpy!
No! Quit! Stop!
- Whoo! - Mr. Bender...
I simply cannot teach your child.
Then good day, madam!
We hope to see you soon for tea.
It's hopeless.
I can hear all this great music in my head...
but my stupid hands can't keep up.
Ah, you know what always cheers me up?
Laughing at other people's misfortunes!
Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.
- Where you been all afternoon? - At a-a... a concert.
Ooh, was it jazz noodling?
My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax.
I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised.
So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?
Yeah. It's weird.
Sean was uneducated, unambitious...
- He was pasty and hunched... - Pretty boy.
But when he played, I could sense this incredible...
beautiful, creative soul.
Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.
I couldn't believe that...
That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on her couch...
if I could just learn to play this stupid thing.
Oh, but you can.
Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil.
And by devil, I mean Robot Devil.
And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.
You hit a sour note...
about 200 years back, Doug!
Let's take it from the top.
- Ow! - Ah, Bender, Fry!
You've come back for more eternal damnation.
No, this isn't a religious visit.
Fry just wants holophonor lessons.
Yep. I need to get reall made me smart?
I could play the holophonor, and it made Leela like me.
Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday.
I'd really like to have somebody there. Please?
Fine. I'll go already.
You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive.
- Not often though. - Mmm.
Whoa-oh-oh... Hey!
- Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. - Hello, Philip.
And you must be Mr. Bender.
Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot?
I prefer the term "love machine."
- Wow. Your kid is great.
How hard did you say you had to hit him?
Well, fairly hard.
" The Grumpy Snail."
Sorry.
It's too grumpy!
No! Quit! Stop!
- Whoo! - Mr. Bender...
I simply cannot teach your child.
Then good day, madam!
We hope to see you soon for tea.
It's hopeless.
I can hear all this great music in my head...
but my stupid hands can't keep up.
Ah, you know what always cheers me up?
Laughing at other people's misfortunes!
Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.
- Where you been all afternoon? - At a-a... a concert.
Ooh, was it jazz noodling?
My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax.
I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised.
So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?
Yeah. It's weird.
Sean was uneducated, unambitious...
- He was pasty and hunched... - Pretty boy.
But when he played, I could sense this incredible...
beautiful, creative soul.
Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.
I couldn't believe that...
That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on her couch...
if I could just learn to play this stupid thing.
Oh, but you can.
Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil.
And by devil, I mean Robot Devil.
And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.
You hit a sour note...
about 200 years back, Doug!
Let's take it from the top.
- Ow! - Ah, Bender, Fry!
You've come back for more eternal damnation.
No, this isn't a religious visit.
Fry just wants holophonor lessons.
Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.
Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing.
Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher...
Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers.
With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.
Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them?
Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye.
Fry, you smelly idiot.
I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.
H-H-He is? Great!
- Wait. What's the catch? - No catch.
I'll merely pick a robot at random from somewhere in the universe...
probably one you've never even met...
and then I'll remove his hands and switch them for yours!
It's just the sort of guy I am. What do you say?
Well, I don't know. It doesn't seem entirely moral to...
Fry, if you don't take this offer right now...
I will lose all respect for you and punch you.
Well, all right. You sure I probably won't know him?
- Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract. - Wow.
And here we go!
I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!
Robot Devil?
I get your hands? Zam!
Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome!
It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.
Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!
You know, I only put my name on there...
as a show of good faith for the other robots.
Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off.
Oh, very well.
- How'd you do that? - They're very good hands.
At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!
Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.
Check it out, everyone. I'm back from hell...
and I've got the Robot Devil's hands!
Neat! Let's see a trick!
All righty.
Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry.
Uh-oh.
Where'd I go just now?
Hello, Fry.
Just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am.
Oh, g-give me back my hands!
These things are always touching me in places.
Yeah, they get around.
But I'm afraid we had a deal.
Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip.
Yes, you did.
Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...
playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home...
on this two-record set.
That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99.
Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records!
- Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.
- Hello? - Hello? I'll take eight.
A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you.
- Uh, show him in. - Very good, sir.
Oh, Fry, congratulations!
Your latest performance was as delectable...
as dipping my bottom over and over...
into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams.
Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.
You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.
And so I would fain commission you write an opera.
- But I've never written an opera. - And I've never heard one.
Still, if you can keep me amused through the overture...
I shall consider it a smashing success.
But I wouldn't even know what to write about.
Unless...
Okay, I'll do it... if I can make it about Leela.
Me? Really?
A man writing an opera about a woman?
Oh, sirrah.
How deliciously absurd.
I shall see you at the premiere.
- Is it part of the opera? - Leela! You shouldn't be listening.
- I don't want you to hear it till it's done. - But it's so beautiful.
So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked.
This has to be perfect.
I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you.
Oh, Fry.
All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew.
I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool.
They're so cold!
And yet hell is so hot!
- Can I have my hands back now? - No!
You're not nice!
- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise.
For you finding me in the refrigerator!
True. But at least I don't have the hiccups anymore.
- What up? - Oh, well, it so happens I'm in the mood...
to make a deal with you.
- Forget it. You can't tempt me. - Really?
- There's nothing you want? - Hmm.
I forgot you could tempt me with things I want.
Well, I suppose I've always wondered what it would be like...
- to be more annoying. - Oh-ho-ho.
Nothing simpler.
And all I ask in return is your hands...
to replace these bony hot dogs.
Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys!
Well, is there anything else you would part with?
No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.
Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people!
And all it cost me was my crotch plate.
You certainly are a shrewd businessman, Bender.
Now find someone and give 'em a good blast.
Yeah! That'll teach the first person I see a lesson.
Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete.
Well, Fry's opera premieres tomorrow night.
I'm off to find a pair of formal gloves...
that'll fit over my enormous forearms.
Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?
What? Are you talking?
Oh, God, I'm deaf!
Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.
What? Oh, this is horrible.
I won't be able to hear Fry's opera.
How delightfully ironic.
It's not ironic. It's just mean!
Take this!
Ooh. Out of aerosol.
Also ironic.
Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal...
Oh, no!
Nobody tell Fry I'm deaf.
If he found out I couldn't hear his opera, it'd break his heart.
Okay, deaf-o.
- Courtesans and gentle fops...
I bid you welcome to my opera.
Let us cavort like the Greeks of old.
You know the ones I mean.
- Yea, Fry! - I watch TVwith that guy.
# Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses #
# With courage in her female baby smile #
# A savior from the stars Or something stranger still #
# Or just a lonely filthy starving child #
Amy, Fry's looking at me. What am I supposed to be feeling?
Ah.
# Leela, Leela Leela, save him #
# Save Fry, save Fry #
# Godzilla will devour him #
# As for me, I must be off #
# To have my doctor check this cough #
# Good-bye ##
I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla.
But that is so what I would've done.
- One diet double martini, please. - And for you, sir?
I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple."
Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over!
Half over? Oh!
I'd give anything to hear the rest.
Anything?
Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying...
Anything?
Because I can give you new robotic ears.
What? You can give me new ears?
Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return?
Just your hands, my dear.
- Whatever you said, forget it! - All right. Then just one hand.
Just... my left hand?
- Um, uh... - Please take your seats for act two.
But I'm not done vomiting!
I can't stand it!
Okay. You can have my hand.
Wonderful! Just sign here.
Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears.
Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy...
acting talent!
I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker!
Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand?
In good time. You go en joy the opera.
# To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art #
# I need hands of transcendental quickness #
# Well, I don't see any danger #
# In gambling with a stranger #
# For my head is of a most amazing thickness #
Ohh!
# I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you #
# I'm stupider than you in every way ##
Stupider? Bah!
This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!
- Ooh. - Your lyrics lack subtlety.
You can't just have your characters announce how they feel!
That makes me feel angry!
Look, what do you want?
# I want my hands back #
Never! # A deal's a deal #
# Even with a dirty dealer #
# Very well Then I'll take what I want #
# From Leela #
Whoa!
# Leela has promised me her hand #
# Fry, you do not understand #
# I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender #
# The shame, the shame #
# But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor #
# Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender #
# He gave me mechanical ears #
# Effective though just a bit garish #
# In return, without shedding a tear #
# I agreed that I'd give him my